u use to be there for me, now u leave me high n dry.
u use to be the 1 i look up to, now i'm left to my own devices.
u use to be the one i go 4 advice, now i know better then 2 look 4 u.
now that we're at a brake, i can almost say goodbye.
with no words left to say, with no reason to be alone.
this self destruction is not my own, u call it upon yourself.

I

I've leave home, trying to find myself.
Trying to be myself, trying to be
who I am. In the process I found
what I thought was myself, my mould.
In the end, I lost myself, lost my
sense, lost my direction, lost my thoughts,
lost my worth.

Now that I'm getting back on track,
I find new strength in me I never
known exist, new insights, new out-look
on life. I have found new respect for
myself and I respect myself, I really
do. Because that is what you have
to do, to respect yourself above
all else.

the messenger

when you feel you're along
cut out from this cruel world
your instinct telling you to run
listen to your heart
love leaves us blind
love keeps us kind


when you've suffer enough
and your spirit is breaking
you growing desperate from the fight
remember your love
love leaves us blind
love keeps us kind

I

Have you ever saw someone, someone so familar, yet so distance.
You thought you know her but in actual fact, you don't know her at all.
Thought no matter how hard you try, you can't get her image out of your mind.
No longer you feel lonely, for you saw someone, someone who you like.
Longing for closure, companionship.  
For having waited so long, you feel relief that you've found the one.

Chocolate fulge

Another year, this year was time well spent with family. Brought the cake myself, one that I like. Come to think of it, this is the FIRST TIME that i'm buying my own bday cake. Mom asked me in the morning, if need to buy bday cake, since she wants to cook curry fish head for me. I said of course need! But later i told her there is no need to buy for me, i'll buy myself. Cause i want to buy my own cake, another thing is she said the cakes sold in the morning are not fresh as its left over from yesterday. So she wants to go to the market again in the afternoon. I feel shy seeing her so committed on the food, i don wan to trouble her again. Its little things like this that makes me feel, i have the best mom in the world. I must remember must be good to her.

Stop and Stare

So now Just Stop and Stare,
I know we're moving on the same path
But in reality we are going no where.
Let's stop and smell the roses now and let us
be fair. This is not good-bye, it is not
the end. Come dry your tears
for me now. Or you could just
Cry your Heart out now. Cry your
heart out now...

Reaching out

     I think, its coming to me.
     Feelings are piling up.
     I know i might explode soon.
     I need a release..
     I need a cure.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow, its going to be the start of school. Back to poly again, back to student life. It will not be the same as 3 years ago. My classmates are going to come from different countries, different age groups and different background. I'm going to have learn to work with them for the next 6 months. There's not going to be sweet or rosy memories. There is no dota game after school, no basket ball, no badminton, no ping pong games. All they are concern is for their own benefits. All they need are tips from lecturers. Sharing of tips? You wait long long. There was this case where 2 sri lanka students went to lecturer's office to ask for exam tips. He had already given the class sufficient hints for the exam paper and yet, those 2 still ask for more. After that, the lecturer change the paper totally and only those 2 pass (backstabbers). So, am i worried about my classmates?  For sure yes. One thing is certain, I'm not there to make any BFF. I just study and those students don't come and disturb me.

Holidays

these past few days have been wonderful. its been a while since i can remember that i had enjoy myself so much. thank you for the company, thank you for the joy, thank you for the laughter, thank you for the memories. mei yu, jin fang and last but not least ye ling thank you all, for being understanding, caring and lending a listening ear.

Comeback home

Last night reached home, On the van journey back i suddenly feel that i'm feeling stress up. I think its cause on the ship i'm working all the time. There is no time to truly know how i feel. I thought i should be happy and free but i feel unexpectedly tired. Couldn't think about anything but just to reach home and see my mom bro and dad. After sending the Chief/Engineer back, i saw how happy he is holding his child up, hugging him and 'dancing in his arms' his wife waiting for him. A happy family. An hour later, i reached home. My brother and mom was waiting for me at the void deck. My mind was relax, took a shower had dinner. It was like i've never left home. Everything is in its own place. Feels like i just left home yesterday. Now, i'm looking forward to my studies and first hope to faster register for it. Hope that the lecturer still kept a sit for me.