Chocolate fulge

Another year, this year was time well spent with family. Brought the cake myself, one that I like. Come to think of it, this is the FIRST TIME that i'm buying my own bday cake. Mom asked me in the morning, if need to buy bday cake, since she wants to cook curry fish head for me. I said of course need! But later i told her there is no need to buy for me, i'll buy myself. Cause i want to buy my own cake, another thing is she said the cakes sold in the morning are not fresh as its left over from yesterday. So she wants to go to the market again in the afternoon. I feel shy seeing her so committed on the food, i don wan to trouble her again. Its little things like this that makes me feel, i have the best mom in the world. I must remember must be good to her.

Stop and Stare

So now Just Stop and Stare,
I know we're moving on the same path
But in reality we are going no where.
Let's stop and smell the roses now and let us
be fair. This is not good-bye, it is not
the end. Come dry your tears
for me now. Or you could just
Cry your Heart out now. Cry your
heart out now...

Reaching out

     I think, its coming to me.
     Feelings are piling up.
     I know i might explode soon.
     I need a release..
     I need a cure.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow, its going to be the start of school. Back to poly again, back to student life. It will not be the same as 3 years ago. My classmates are going to come from different countries, different age groups and different background. I'm going to have learn to work with them for the next 6 months. There's not going to be sweet or rosy memories. There is no dota game after school, no basket ball, no badminton, no ping pong games. All they are concern is for their own benefits. All they need are tips from lecturers. Sharing of tips? You wait long long. There was this case where 2 sri lanka students went to lecturer's office to ask for exam tips. He had already given the class sufficient hints for the exam paper and yet, those 2 still ask for more. After that, the lecturer change the paper totally and only those 2 pass (backstabbers). So, am i worried about my classmates?  For sure yes. One thing is certain, I'm not there to make any BFF. I just study and those students don't come and disturb me.

Holidays

these past few days have been wonderful. its been a while since i can remember that i had enjoy myself so much. thank you for the company, thank you for the joy, thank you for the laughter, thank you for the memories. mei yu, jin fang and last but not least ye ling thank you all, for being understanding, caring and lending a listening ear.

Comeback home

Last night reached home, On the van journey back i suddenly feel that i'm feeling stress up. I think its cause on the ship i'm working all the time. There is no time to truly know how i feel. I thought i should be happy and free but i feel unexpectedly tired. Couldn't think about anything but just to reach home and see my mom bro and dad. After sending the Chief/Engineer back, i saw how happy he is holding his child up, hugging him and 'dancing in his arms' his wife waiting for him. A happy family. An hour later, i reached home. My brother and mom was waiting for me at the void deck. My mind was relax, took a shower had dinner. It was like i've never left home. Everything is in its own place. Feels like i just left home yesterday. Now, i'm looking forward to my studies and first hope to faster register for it. Hope that the lecturer still kept a sit for me.

Inspire

Sometimes i think how did i manage to write what i wrote. I guess its from the happenings around me. Things that that i see or stuffs that i imagine. For isn't fact a fraction of our imagination? Song and music plays a big part in my life. My last entry was inspired by that song playing in the juke box right now. =)

Hands down

The streets are white`as I look out the window.
I heard a knock on the door.
I open it and let you in, you stood at the door.
Your hands on my waist, the scent of your hair as you lean forward.
Your lips are smooth as they graze mine.
And you kiss me like you mean it, you mean it like i knew you would.
As we move by the fire place, lay down on the rug.
The fragrance of your perfume on me as we lay intertwine.
Your silky hair shimmering by the candle light.
The beating of your heart in my ears.
The air is bless as we breath the same breath.
Our movements fluid as one unit.
Soft sound of music playing blanketed by our sounds of passion.
Hands down, this is the best thing I ever remember, always remember.

numb

I'm scared, scared I'm losing myself, my core self. So I keep to myself, my thoughts, my feelings. This way, nobody knows what I think, know what I feel. I ended up not knowing what to do, how to feel.. With no thoughts and numb feeling, I change into what I fear the most. I become my father.

a feeling

In just 2 weeks, the ship will reach Singapore again. How time passes by. Its already 5 and a half months onboard. I feel empty.  Really loveless. Why am I feeling so lonely?

the reason

Here i am, all alone. No one else to see me. Not meeting anyone else. All the same, its all the same. And the only people you know are those who are sailing. Soon, a few years later. You find yourself all alone. And you don't know why.

Only a Dream

I dream about her last night. Dream that she was with me. We were standing by the sea. On a beach. She was right beside me. With her long curly hair blowing in the wind. She was wearing a black top and skinny jeans. She was holding my hands, I was leaning against a railing. She came up to me and lean on my body. Her head resting on my chest and she pulled my arms around her. My hands wrap around her, our fingers intertwine. The sun was setting, busking the sky in light pastel colors of red, orange and yellow. Children cycling on their bicycles, ringing ringing their bells. Joggers running by with music in their ears. Oblivious to them, 2 lovers are enjoying the sunset. In a world of their own. Unconscious of the world around them, they are in their moment.

Love Story 31/12/20XX

There was this boy who was with this girl. He was always happy around her. He look forward to seeing her everyday. he day dreams of her face during work. He thought of their dates when eating alone. When he trys to sleep, he misses her face everytime.

One day, new year's eve, he had a plan. He brought her out on a romentic dinner, he got her colourful flowers for she likes the rainbow. But no candle light dinner, its a distraction she says. She's afraid of knocking over the candles. It distracts me too, cause I wouldn't be able to look clearly at your eyes he said.

They were walking along a river, crowds are gathering for the new year countdown. They walk a further distance, away from the crowd, away from the noise.

At the countdown of 10, he hold both her hands. For her hands are slender and he wants to feel them closely. He got down to his keens for he is very sincere with what he's about to say. Their eyes meet. He could see the shockness in her eyes, the surprise at her lips. She's waiting,  tears started rolling around here eyes. For she knows what he's about to say, and she knows the answer she's about to give


She saw his mouth move. But she couldn't bear to hear. She wouldn't. At a corner of her eyes, she saw a silver ring, sparkling, shimmering from the lights of fire works.

She wanted to take a closer look but she couldn't. She couldn't bear to hurt his heart, she wouldn't, she shouldn't. Will you... she shakes his hands away. Tears rolling down her cheeks. She can't look at him in the eyes anymore. I'm sorry, I already have another...

Shyness is Golden

        It is the shy, the really shy ones, who have my admiration. They do not impose force on others: when they speak it is generally because they have something important to say, they listen to our stories right up to the limit of their patience, and they are the shoulder on which we most want to cry. Normally, they are much wiser because they spend more time looking at what is going on around them - and they manage to do so without anyone noticing. But, above all, they have a smile that extroverts generally don't have. It is not common and, because of this, is more amusing- it begins at a corner of the mouth and then becomes a smile only a little bit at a time.
        A big victory is when we manage to stop them from being timid for a short period of time, or when they cease to be shy with us - it does not count if you furnish them with drinks to get them to lose their inhibitions. In order to be special it is necessary that a shy person feels so secure that he reveals his true self and makes those cynical comments about himself with the confidence of someone who has rehearsed the words before he says them.
        The shy are excused from bringing flowers or presents on St Valentine's Day. It is enough for them to show up.

Hold on to your dreams

Why are humans such fragile creature? They hold on to things like dreams or hope. Things which are in-tangible, things which can't be seen, can't be heard, can't be hold. But i say, hold onto your dreams, for they will light up a path when your road turns dark. Hold on to your thoughts, for they will guide you when voices around you are sounding distance. Listen deeper , Look closer, See further, Run faster.

This little moment that we live here, Don't let us waste it in vain. Let's sail at full speed straight on.

For we are all, just humans.

U gonna go far kid...

Sometimes, all we need is just a little love. Some reassurance.. let me know that everything is gonna be alright, everything is gonna be ok. Stay strong kid, you're gonna be fine, you're gonna be alright. Things will work out fine, the way they are.

How 2 have a Health Chicken Rice

first, u fried an egg

tada!





















then make tay-susu


Finally, fish oil for good health!

a car run into the block this morning!




















not! it was raining, the car was picking up a passenger ^^

他都不愛我

Lazy sunday afternoon...

Haha.. Wat a smiley face. Had this for lunch today. Dad made the fried rice in the morning, he made extra and left a bowl on the table b4 he left for work. Yup, my dad works even on a Sunday. Its not unusual. I don't blame him but we are happy. Other family may go out on weekends or holidays. But I'm big now, we are all too old for those family things. Maybe I'll change things around with my family someday. But that day is still very far away. Haha.. I don't plan to talk about this things, just want to blog about my fried egg rice actually. Have stray towards topic of family. Guess I'm coming of that age now, of raising my own kids. But like I said, its still a long time away...... only time will tell.

Feeling Good

 

Wake up feeling different today. Feeling good, feeling refresh. Could be cause of the late night jog last night. Body a little different today, feel very good. Like a well oil machine, like everything is good in place. 

Anyway, went out to buy breakfast. Looking at the people at the market/hawker area, only saw mostly middle age and senior age people around. While passing by a playground, saw a group of indian foreign workers chatting. 

How do i know they are foreigner? One of them was wearing a shirt "I <3 SG", no Singaporean with the right frame of mind will wear that ^^ 

They were sitting at the exercise corner drinking liquids of donno what from cans place on the ground. While a bunch of kids were playing at the playground area with their dad. 

Good thing their dad is there, i willn't feel safe if i'm not around MY kids if they were to play there.

Prata Egg       - 1.30

Prata Kosong - 0.70

Soya milk       - 0.60

Papers            -1.00

Total              - 3.60

Looking back ..

Its so funny, i'm at home but yet i feel home sick. 1 week ago, I was at Malacca. Today, I'm at Singapore. I miss Malacca. I miss the place, i miss the people. It was only for a few days. I think the stay is just nice. If any longer, i would miss my home. But now, looking back on the pictures, i think back on the time spend with gong gong, po po, ye ming, yi ling, xin hui, 3shu, 3 shen, ah yi po, yvonne, mvonne,shaun, xiao gu, tar gu, jowin. This Chinese new year holds a special meaning to me. I would not be here if i haven't got the skin disease call shingles.

I shouldn't be here blogging. I should work hard and earn money. But i think i don't want to sail. 我人太好了la，不适合做这份工.

Main Entry:	homesick
Part of Speech:	adjective
Definition:	nostalgic
Synonyms:	hankering, heartsick, lonely, longing for home, missing, wistful, yearning

Main Entry:	lonesome
Part of Speech:	adjective
Definition:	forlorn, friendless
Synonyms:	alone, cheerless, companionless, deserted, desolate, dreary, gloomy, homesick, isolated, lone, lonely, solitary
Notes:	lonely adds to solitary a suggestion of longing for companionship, while lonesome heightens the suggestion of sadness; forlorn and desolate are even more isolated and sad
Antonyms:	befriended, loved, unlonesome

Groceries shopping again!

• Ayam Sardine_______2.85
• Kaya_____________2.45
• Baked Beans_______ 0.95
• Skippy Peanut butter_5.10
• Prawn Cracker______2.20
• Chocolate Biscuit____ 3.35
• Lemon Biscuit______ 3.35
• Tomatoes_________0.70
• Nugget x2_________6.95

• Total____________26.90

And I made lunch! Was so sick and tired of outside food. Either its too bland or too salty. Toast was made by dad this morning lolz.. Notice a reoccurring theme? Time spent 30mins. Munching time 10mins. Cost priceless.. even rice taste better then outside! Nothing beats a home cook meal, Period! =>

I'm going away for a while
but I'll be back don't try to follow me
Cause I'll return as soon as possible

You see I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where i feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes

Run from them from them
With no directions
Run from them from them
With no convictions

I'm just one of those ghost
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no road
In fact they follow me

And we just go in circles
But now I'm told that this is life
and pain is just a simple compromise
so we can get what we want out of it.